toppers, toupes, and wigs ...oh my!

I have alopecia. I am losing my hair. My precious, long, thick, beautiful hair. My security blanket, the one thing I truly loved about myself was leaving.

Nothing in my life has been more devastating than hearing, "You have a female balding pattern, also known as androgenic alopecia". I cried for weeks. It's been 6 months and I still have nights when I cry myself to sleep.

When I started telling people how heartbroken and sad I was, a lot responded with, "well, be thankful you're healthy!!" Yes, thank you and thank goodness. However, I don't know what it's like to be dying from cancer, I don't know what it's like to get in a car crash and have all my limbs severed, I don't know what it's like to lose a parent....but I DO know what it's like to be told I'm losing my hair. Maybe that makes me lucky, I don't know, but it's utterly terrifying.

My Grandmother has the same thing and has been stuck in a wig since she was in her early 40's. Sadly, 60 years ago they literally couldn't do anything to help the problem except direct her to the nearest wig shop. I've actually never seen her without her wig. Since I have been diagnosed with this, I have made it my mission to make sure I will never place a wig on my head unless for costume purposes. It's been a long journey, but there's been great, great improvement.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we?


Around October, I suffered a bit of a nervous breakdown. I have acute panic and anxiety disorder which for whatever reason came to a head around this time. The next month, I was at a salon getting my haircut when my hairdresser told me to get my iron and thyroid levels checked because my hair was slightly thinner in the front than anywhere else. I assumed this was because of all the stress and anxiety I was experiencing and didn't really give it much thought. But then in January I began to notice the thinning and made an appointment with an endocrinologist.

Everything was normal -- blood chemistry, thyroid. However, I was unaware at the time my hormones and iron levels were not tested. I was still worried and decided to go to a dermatologist.
I had never been to this doctor before, but I liked her right away. However, she immediately could see I had a female balding pattern and said there wasn't much she could do. I broke down. She felt bad and said I should go back to my endocrinologist immediately and make sure everything was tested and she wrote me a prescription for birth control and a shampoo. After I left, I stood on 5th Avenue and had an emotional breakdown.

I called my endocrinologist the next day and said I needed to come in right away and be tested for anything and everything that could be effecting my hair loss. She told me I couldn't get an appointment for two months. Bad idea. I lost it. Again. I told her that wasn't going to work and insisted I have an appointment within the week. She put my endocrinologist on the phone and through sobs I explained what I had been told at the dermatologist and begged her to help me. Suddenly, I had an appointment in 4 days.

After my appointment and once the results came back, I learned my zinc and iron levels were on the low side of normal, but everything else seemed okay. I guess sometimes no news is bad news.

This week all I did was cry. I decided I would move home when the problem got unbearable. I didn't go to work, I didn't see anyone -- I became a hermit. Then suddenly I became inspired, motivated -- a fire was lit. I researched like a madwoman, joined an online support group, purchased 15 supplements all promising to thicken my hair, grow back my hair or promote healthy hair, bought male strength rogaine, changed birth controls, starting using the shampoo from my dermatologist, went to yoga class and started acupuncture treatments. I was driven. Doctors may have told me this was an irreversible problem, but that wasn't good enough for me.

The hair loss also inspired me to seek further therapy including a life coach. In our first session I told her what was going on regarding my hair and eventually she gently and kindly asked "what are you going to do with this gift?" I said I wasn't in a place where I could see it that way. I was so angry and sad and frustrated. But I was willing to do anything and everything I could to change my perspective on the situation. One thing she said that sticks with me every day is "I believe a year from now, this will no longer be an issue for you". I prayed she was right.

Six months later, there's a good chance she is right. For 6 months, 24 hours a day I have thought about this. Every night I researched another herb that could help or the benefits of laser treatments. I took my medication, used my shampoo, used the rogaine, went to acupuncture and tried to have a positive attitude. Roughly three months later, I noticed I had some new friends: regrowth.

It worked. What I did worked. I went back to the dermatologist a few days ago and she was thrilled to see my results and said she has reason to believe I've stopped the thinning. Obviously, we won't be able to know for a while but I believe her. Clearly, I must continue with all I'm doing, but if it saves my hair, every bit of it is worth it.

This could be something I deal with forever. I may have to use rogaine forever. Whenever I first started using rogaine, I used to cry when I would put it on my hair. But truth be told I've never been more thankful for something in my life because not only did it give me back my hair, it gave me back my spirit.

Back to my coach's question -- "what are you going to do with this gift?" I've realized everything is about drive. If I could learn to apply the same drive I had to save my hair in other areas of my life, I believe I could accomplish anything. And my skin has never looked better.


Take that, alopecia.